Do you ever feel like you're competing with your own friends? I feel like that all the time. There are certain people in a group who are the funniest or the prettiest or the cleverest  and I'm definitely not any of those. I start to think to myself What makes me so special? Why the hell would people like me? My self-esteem seems so dependent on people liking me yet there are so many times when I just want to be alone or don't care. I've lost so many friends that way by not keeping in touch, by losing interest for awhile in what we might have in common, and I hate doing that. I hate feeling so flighty in my interests, in my moods. I am truly the definition of a lost soul. Can we really blame that on my diagnosis of Bipolar disorder? I don't think so. If anything, I think my true problem may be Borderline Personality Disorder. I'm not sure if I've ever been diagnosed with it or not, (sometimes psychiatrists are reluctant to tell you if you have a certain disorder because they think you'll regress) but I have always been one to want to know, to know that I'm not the only person in the world who's like this and that perhaps there is help for me.