1/5/11

I'm tired. I didn't sleep well last night. Woke up about 5:30 with a lot of anxiety. I'm not sure if anxiety is the right word, though. I had that high energy, restless feeling, tightness in my chest and racing thoughts. Wanted to get up and do stuff. Had to take a half of a Xanax to calm down and be able to go back to sleep but I still didn't sleep all that great. I stayed in bed until about 10 because I had an appointment with my psychiatrist. I was still feeling the anxiety and restlessness but took my meds as prescribed. She upped my Seroquel to 200 mgs, which is supposed to help with the mood swings. I won't take that until tonight though. Called my boss and told her I should be ready to go back to work on Sunday and she's going to fit me into the schedule, though it may not be my regular hours because the schedule is already made up. Two weeks out of work with no paycheck. Deep down inside I know I have the money to be okay, yet I still have to keep talking to myself and telling myself there's nothing to feel anxious about. I took my second dose of Xanax for the day and I am starting to feel a bit calmer.

Did you know that anxiety can be a symptom of mania? The feelings of losing my mind, the panic attacks can be unpleasant manic symptoms. My doctor told me that and I read all about that. That might have been what I've been having the past month off and on because depression would usually follow, though when I'm depressed I'm not anxious. My doc thinks the meds should stabilize soon because I have been doing better, in general, and I'm allowed to take up to two extra Xanax pills if my attacks become really bad. Trying my best not to do that.

I have an appointment with my psychiatrist's son for hypnotherapy on Friday. Really hoping that helps somewhat. Must remember to get another note for work, refills for my Zoloft and Xanax, and to make another appointment with my doctor. I forgot to do that today. One thing I've noticed is that I've become more forgetful. I don't know if that's a side effect of one of the meds.

Take it one day at a time, Cheryl. One day at a time.