Lost in the Mirror

Do you ever have days where you just can't stand to look in the mirror or even at a picture of yourself? Where you just feel so fat and ugly you want to scream? That if you look at a picture of yourself or yourself in the mirror you want to smash it? I'm having one of those days today. It kind of started yesterday. Yesterday was Valentine's Day. Another reminder that I'm single. Actually, most of the time I'm fine about it, even on Valentine's Day but for some reason it bugged me quite a bit this year. I start  cheering up when I remember who I was last with.

I'm not even sure that's what's bugging me lately. I've noticed that I'm angrier and more irritable. It's not that time of the month (and that's a whole different story)


Alright, confession time: I have not seen my therapist since December. Well, actually had a full session with him. I did see him once, but he got into the bad habit of mixing up my appointment dates. I'd arrive and he wouldn't be there.  This last time? I arrived and he had made some kind of car appointment so I only saw him for 5 minutes. I said I was doing well and would call him if I needed him, but really. He's become so unreliable. I'm very angry about that and trying to convince myself that I'm doing well without therapy.


So I have a lot going on right now. My dad being in Iraq, my grandmother's alcoholism, and a job I despise. But I'm handling it all okay. Right?

Oh yeah. When I get like this, I kind of stay away from Twitter and sometimes Facebook. I feel like I'm kind of being ignored when I try to post about how I'm feeling. That may be my own paranoid feelings though, and it might just be best to stay away from them until I get myself under control again.

Now it's time for go to bed. (A MST3K thing). Sometimes a little extra sleep helps in ways you can't imagine. I'm off tomorrow so I'll get to relax.